Bart: What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals.
Homer: Well, maybe if he had had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught 'im

Homer: Oh! And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember that time I took a home wine making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!

Homer: If the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girl sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

Homer (giving a lecture on marriage): What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as "The process of removing weeds from one's garden."

Homer (reading Internet for Dummies)(a book): Wow... they've got the Internet on computers now?

Marge: You know, it's funny... your father and my mother both seem very lonely.
Homer: Tee hee hee hee hee! That is funny!

Homer: A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets.

Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)

Homer: Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...

Homer (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy will be done (munch munch munch).

Homer: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Apu: Howdy, neighbor! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
Homer: Uhhh... spray the boy.

Homer: (On George Bush) I didn't vote for him!
Marge: You didn't vote for anybody.
Homer: I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. Then I became deeply cynical.

Homer: Rock stars... is there anything they don't know?

Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here, anyway.