Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Homer:
Old man: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Homer: If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.

Homer: Son, when you participate in sporthing events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: Mmmmm... 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch munch munch)... 63 (munch munch munch)
(cut to much later)
Homer: 2... (munch munch munch) ... 1 (munch munch munch)
Marge: Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind.

Homer: Mmmmm... floor pie.

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

Reporter: Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space?
Homer: I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! (Starts sobbing uncontrollably)

Homer: Ahhh... sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

Homer: Mmmm... bowling alley fresh.

Homer: Mmmm... urinal fresh.

Homer: Mmmm... elephant fresh.

Homer: Mmmm... soylent green.

Homer: Mmmm... crumbled-up cookie things.

Homer: Awww... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo hoo!

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was painful and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.

Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.

Homer (Looking at a "nudie deck"): "The girls of the internet." Ooh, I'd go online with them anyday!

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.